NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION

WHAT IS NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION?

In today’s fast-paced world, where communication often leads to misunderstandings, arguments, or emotional disconnection, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a powerful alternative. Developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, NVC is both a method of communication and a philosophy of life. It encourages honest self-expression and empathetic listening, two practices that can transform how we relate to others in personal, academic, and professional settings.

Nonviolent Communication is based on four key components: observation, feelings, needs, and requests. Together, these steps help us understand both ourselves and others without judgment, criticism, or blame. The first step is observation. This means describing what we see or hear without attaching evaluations or opinions. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always late and irresponsible,” we might say, “You arrived 20 minutes after the time we agreed on.” Observations based on facts, not interpretations, reduce defensiveness and allow the listener to engage with what is actually happening.

The second component is feelings. Expressing how we feel helps build emotional clarity and trust. Phrases like “I feel anxious,” “I feel excited,” or “I feel discouraged” allow us to open up and communicate authentically. However, it’s important to distinguish feelings from thoughts. For instance, saying “I feel ignored” is actually a judgment; it’s more accurate to say, “I feel hurt because I didn’t receive a response.” This level of emotional honesty makes space for connection.

The third step in NVC is recognizing and expressing needs. All human feelings are connected to universal needs such as the need for respect, love, safety, clarity, or connection. When we say, “I feel overwhelmed because I need support,” or “I feel joyful because my need for appreciation was met,” we are taking responsibility for our own emotions. Understanding our needs and acknowledging others’ forms the basis of empathy and compassion.

After expressing our observations, feelings, and needs, we move to the final component: requests. A request is a specific, doable action we would like from another person. Unlike demands, which often come across as controlling or forceful, requests are respectful and open to choice. For example, saying “Would you be willing to turn down the volume so I can focus?” invites cooperation. In contrast, saying “Turn that off now!” is a demand and may trigger resistance. A demand implies punishment if unmet, while a request invites voluntary participation and mutual understanding.

Pause Before the Storm

I created this video by using Pictory.AI to show how Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, can transform a simple disagreement into a meaningful connection between two people.

The conversation begins with tension. Nethmi sees Kavin using his phone while sitting together. Instead of describing what she sees, she makes a judgment,

'You don’t care about me anymore.'

In NVC, the first step is observation, stating what we see, without blame.

 A nonviolent alternative might be,

'I notice you're using your phone while we're sitting together.'

 Her anger is a reaction to something deeper. In NVC, we move from blame to feelings.

Nethmi could say:
"I feel hurt and disconnected when we’re not engaging with each other. Identifying emotions helps reveal what truly matters to us."

 Every feeling is connected to a need. Nethmi's anger comes from an unmet need for connection and presence. Rather than accusing, she could express:

'I really need some quality time together without distractions.'

 Naming needs allows us to connect on a human level beyond blame.

Finally, she can make a clear request, not a demand.

'Would you be willing to put your phone away during dinner so we can talk?'

 A well-worded request invites understanding and cooperation.

Kavin responds positively not because he’s forced, but because he’s heard.

 This simple exchange shows the power of Nonviolent Communication.

How we express ourselves shapes whether we push people away or bring them closer. By observing without judgment, expressing honest feelings, understanding our needs, and making respectful requests, we create space for empathy and healing.

"NVC doesn’t solve every problem instantly, but it opens the door to deeper, kinder conversations. And that’s where real change begins."

Nonviolent Communication is Empathy

Another essential element in Nonviolent Communication is empathy, the ability to fully listen to another person’s feelings and needs without interrupting, fixing, or judging. Empathy allows us to connect deeply, even when we disagree. It sounds like: “Are you feeling frustrated because your opinion wasn’t considered?” or “It seems you’re really stressed, do you need support?” When we offer empathy, we acknowledge the other person’s humanity and make them feel truly heard.

I created this poster to explain empathy. Empathy is when you listen not just with your ears, but with your heart. It means being there for someone without judging, fixing, or comparing, just letting them feel heard and safe. The poster beautifully visualizes the power of empathy the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

On the left, we see a figure calmly offering a heart-shaped symbol. This represents a person who is emotionally grounded and willing to connect. On the right, the second figure has a tangled scribble over their head, showing emotional distress, confusion, or overwhelm. The line connecting them carries a heart, showing that the calm person is reaching out with love and care, not solutions or advice. The title "Echoes of Empathy" suggests that when we listen with compassion, we send a healing echo to others. The quote "Empathy is the new strength" reminds us that being kind, patient, and understanding is not a weakness; it’s emotional courage.

 The difference between a demand and a request

Understanding the difference between a demand and a request is one of the most important insights in NVC. A demand often sounds like an order and carries an expectation of obedience, which can lead to resistance or conflict. A request, however, respects the other person’s freedom to choose and encourages cooperation. In short, demands push people away, while requests build bridges.

01.                                                                          

I created this cartoon to show about demand and request.

In this cartoon, we see a girl angrily saying, “Give me the tablet now!” while pointing at her younger brother. Her tone and body language show frustration and control. This is an example of a demand or a command that expects immediate obedience, often without considering the other person’s feelings or needs.

The boy responds, “Why should I?”, showing that he feels defensive and unwilling. This reaction is common when people feel pressured or ordered around.

Demands usually

• Come with pressure or threats

• Ignore the other person's needs or opinions

• Often leads to conflict or resistance

This cartoon shows how using a demand can create tension instead of cooperation.

02.

A request is when you ask someone nicely for something you want or need. The girl asks politely for a turn with the device. The boy responds kindly but wants a little more time. This shows how respectful requests and answers help people get along and share. 

• The girl is making a request to use the device.

• She uses polite words: “Would you be willing...” showing respect.

• The boy doesn’t say no, but instead gives a condition: he wants to finish watching one more video. A request is not a demand; it allows the other person to say yes, no, or offer a compromise. Using kind words makes it easier to get a positive response. Listening and responding with respect helps build good communication and sharing.

The principles of Nonviolent Communication can be applied in many areas of life. In families, it strengthens bonds between parents and children. In schools, it supports respectful conflict resolution among students and teachers. In the workplace, it promotes clear communication and empathy in team dynamics. In wider society, NVC plays a vital role in peace-building, social activism, and dialogue between divided communities.

In conclusion, Nonviolent Communication is more than just a communication tool it is a way of living and relating that nurtures peace, trust, and compassion. By practicing honest expression and deep listening through observation, feelings, needs, and requests, we shift from conflict to connection. When we respond to others with empathy, we contribute to a more compassionate and understanding world.

“When we hear the other person’s feelings and needs, we recognize our shared humanity.” 

Marshall Rosenberg